Wednesday, August 17, 2011

This Is So Not About Me

You know what they say, "Everything happens for a reason".  I believe having MS is a way for me to learn more about life and see things in a different perspective.  I like to help people understand this disease.  I never asked God "why me" because this is so not about me.  Things happen to people all the time and it really is true that God will never put more on you than you can bear.  He knows what each one of us can handle and He knew that I could handle MS, with Him of course.  So I am on a mission.  I haven't had the opportunity to speak about MS in public since the MS Walk in May.  I signed up to be an advocate through the MS Society and I never heard back from anyone so maybe it wasn't a good fit.  Who knows.  That won't stop me from getting my message out, even if all I do is blog about it.

It's been almost 3 months since I have not received Tysabri.  Honestly, I have been doing wonderful.  Better than I expected.  I haven't had to work from home as often in these past 3 months as usual.  Today I have to get an MRI of my brain before I go back on Tysabri so my neurologist can tell if I have developed any new lesions in the past 3 months.  I can say that I most likely have because I can feel it.  I have mentioned this before.  The pain that I get in my head is different than a headache.  It's a shooting pain that will only last for a few seconds.  Don't you think that if scar tissue is developing in your brain you would be able to feel it?  It's like having little tumors all over your brain.  Lesions are also referred to as tumors or plaques.  I don't think I will ever be able to fully explain it but we'll see what the results of the MRI show.  I will be sure to post something as soon as I find out.

Another thing that I have noticed about myself is that I am constantly clenching my teeth.  I catch myself doing it all the time and I try to relax my jaw.  I will have to do some research about that because I grind my teeth in my sleep which is something that I have always done so I am not sure if the clenching is related to MS or Tysabri or something random.  My short term memory is a little worse.  I am able to talk better now.  I'm not stumbling over my words as much.  That's important since I want to be able to use my voice and talk about MS as much as I can and I do find myself educating the people around me.  I don't mind when people ask me questions about MS.

Please pray for me.  That is the best thing that anyone can do for me or anyone.  God is using me and I hope that my experience will help others with MS realize that no matter what, there is a purpose for their lives.  You do not have to be embarassed about MS.  I want to help family members of those with MS understand that they need to encourage their loved ones struggling from the many head to toe symptoms of MS, even though most of the time you can't tell by looking at them, unless they are in a wheel chair.  I want to help people understand that a person's handicap or illness doesn't have to be obvious.  Don't be narrow minded or shallow.  MS is very difficult to diagnose most of the time because there is a giant list of conditions that mimick MS.  A lot of research is being done and even if we never find a cure, we will be ok.  God is in control.